You do not need to take recourse to yelling in order to be authoritative. Yet, some parents make this mistake and adopt yelling as a major strategy for seeking corrections in their children. In fact, the amount of learning a child is ‘capable of’ is inversely proportional to the amount of yelling a parent is using. I was recently reading an interesting article on this topic by Sharon Silver for Popsugar Moms.
Children who are constantly yelled at lose out on their composure, and at any rate, do not turn out more obedient (the reason why they are yelled at in the first place).
Children cannot behave well every given time
In her article Ms Silver points out that parents yell because they have a deep-seated wish to see their children behave well all the time. However, no fairy can grant this wish. Children are children (aka people) and it is only befitting that they do not behave well every given time. Those children who behave disobediently, mischievously or rudely at times have a greater chance of being a dutiful adolescent.
Children are not satanic by nature
Also, yelling only invokes fear. It does nothing to constructively channel the energies of a child. Smart talking rather than yelling brings out the ‘cooperative angel’ from within every child. Children are not satanic by nature; they don’t wake up thinking “well! Let me make it a hell for my parents”. A child needs being trained in the right way. We, as parents, should take the right steps; be firm, authoritative, without raising our decibels.
Every child needs to be guided with a caring hand. Firmness and intensity of voice have no relation whatsoever.
- Sit with your children regularly, find out what is happening in his/her world.
- Find out what are their emotional triggers.
- Discover for what brings out their most creative energies.
- Find out if there is anything you can do to engage them more constructively.
My Take – In Times of Anger
We’ve all had it – a moment where our patience has run out, we’re tired and perhaps frustrated, too. That is the perfect time to disengage and step away. Anything we’d come up with at such a point is likely to be destructive. So it is much better to give ourselves (and your kids) a break, calm down and then deal with the problem. At the very least we should announce to our children that right now we are upset and/or likely to get angry, so they can deal with what we feel better, too.
Studies have shown that the best environment for a child to grow up in does not depend on the parents being authoritarian or completely “soft”. Rather, the key is that the parents are consistent.
If you can do all this, you will find that the amount of yelling you do should drastically reduce, possibly down to zero. For parents who keep yelling – soon your child will learn to tune out from your yelling and you will find yourself at the dry end.
Read the original article here.
What do you do when your patience runs dry?